Day Two, Three, Four and the Final Day.

Day Two.
Woke up early. Started the day late. Walked the beach. Had lunch with my sister. Saw a movie. Pretty good. Entertaining at least. Had a nice dinner. Low key and enjoyable. Geared up for the next day and my 115 mile drive.

Day Three.

The real vacation begins. The drive in one word... FANTASTIC. Incredibly enjoyable. Relaxing. Fun. Hot. Cannot wait to do it again. The rest of the day so-so.

Dinner was great. Desert to die for! Coconut Cream Pie. Must go back again.

Day Four.

17 Mile Drive. What can I say. I have changed my life's dream. My goal in life is to own a home there. On the drive. I do not care if there is much traffic. I don't care if it is far away from my home away from home, the book store. It is heaven to look at. Somehing to aspire to.Monterey Bay Aquarium. Kind of boring if you do not have a child under the age of 8. But I went. Something to do. Great picture below though.

Final Day.

Sad to leave. Want to go back. Soon. Unhappy to go back to work. Very unhappy. I know now that I can leave and will leave. Need to leave. Have to leave for my own sanity and life happiness. Only question...When?

Day One

First official day of my Spring 09 vacation. Pretty good. Started early. Too early. Morning ran late. Got my excercise in for the day so now I do not have to feel guilty for eating my dinner. Dropped demon child off at the greatest person for being willing to care for her's house and went on my merry way. Kind of lonely without her. Kind of not. I know that she is having a blast visiting with her adoptive family so I do not feel guilty for leaving her. She is on vacation herself. Drive went well. No tickets. Spent money already. Cannot pass up a sale. Got in much later than I would have liked. Tired but not yet homesick. That will probably happen Monday when I am all alone in a new place. For now with family. Excited for myself. I already have ideas for the next trip coming late fall 09. Till then.

Parenthood

So you can barely see the booboo but it is there. I could not get her to stay still last night. We think it was a rose thorn. It was taken out last night but she also has bumps on top of her snout which in the picture you can see is swollen and it pussed over during the night. We took an unexpected trip to the vet this morning, she was given an antibiotic and told to go home. All is well. She will live to bark another day.

Office Manners

Two times in my life I have told people I no longer wish to be their friend. Neither time was I proud of myself. I just felt the words needed to be said. But after I definitely regretted it. Not that I did not mean it the second time but was it really necessary that I say it out load? The third time instead of telling the person I just ignored them. Which also did not make me proud of myself. But definitely was necessary for me self preservation. Now the fourth time I do not know how to go about it. Since I work for thesepeople it is a bit tricky. First I guess I would have to quit. Step 1. Wait make that Step 2. Find another job Step 1. And the rest would take care of itself. Step 3. But do I feel good about myself? Boss "B" asked me today why I was in a good mood when talking to Boss "A" and not with him. My answer she talks to me and you talk at me. Harsh words. He tells me thank you for telling me that. I will fix that. But I feel bad for saying it even though it is the truth. He talks with his back to you as he is walking away. He does not require answers more developed than agreeable sounds with his conclusions. I knew he knew how I felt but with him confirming it I feel disappointment I could not hide my true feelings. It is not necessary for him to know. He his the boss, I am the employee. End of the story. I do as I am told whether I like it or not. I need to learn to separate what I am feeling with what I am speaking. Filter out the annoyance and hatred. And inject light airy tones to my replies, suggestions, answers and questions. Will that make me a better person to be able to ignore what I feel to save the feelings of others? Or will it make me more repressed and fear the volcano that will eventually erupt at the most inopportune moment? Till next time...

Indecision

Plagues me. Everyday. Without fail. Where could I go? What could I do? Could I go? I wish I could. Personal guilt stops me from changing. To not disappoint anyone disappoints me. The one person you actually live your life for. Or should be living your life for. I can barely figure out what to have for lunch let alone what I want to do with my life. My job is my job. Not my profession. Not my career. Not my vocation. Just a job. I know they can find someone to replace me but if I don't actually have a reason to leave I would have to tell the truth to make them understand. And the truth is not pretty. Things happen through the day that reinforce how I feel about them but at the end of the day, even an hour after, I don't remember what brought on those strong feels. Does that mean that I over reacted? I really do not care enough to remember? So should it still bother me even though I only retain the memory of the feeling? Today he made a comment about a cheating husband and a very pregnant wife that made news across the country a few years ago. He said if he had been him he would have done it blah, blah, blah and gotten away with it. Is that really something to talk about? Think about? How inapporpriate to say to anyone let alone one of your customers when it is your reputation that carries your business. I think a lot about the fact that I am associating myself with someone like this. And people might think I think these things. Say these things. Believe these things. Why do I stay? Life is not financially stable at the moment and I can not quit. I have to leave for a better opportunity. But how do I create that? To create that I have to have a plan. To have a plan I have to have an idea of what I want to accomplish. Create. Inspire. Live. Half the battle is knowing what I don't want. And I believe I do know. Maybe the reality of living out your dream is easier than thinking about living out your dream. Because thinking about it is scary. I am not one to fail. I made couscous for dinner and while fluffing it spilled some. My first thought. I ruined it. How ridiculous is that? I fed it to the demon child. No problem but I instantly thought failure. So if I got the courage to live the dream and failed... what would I have left?

"You gain strength, courage, and confidence by every experience in which you really stop to look fear in the face. You must do the thing which you think you cannot do."

-Eleanor Roosevelt

Created by boredom

Created at work while instead of "working" I was messing with my phone. Interesting things it does.

The End.

I hate what I am doing yet I know I cannot go. I gave someone advice today that I should be giving myself. "They will survive without you." I know they will. Fellow employee "A" said today that the office would not run without me. They would not know what to do without me. Boss "B" said Boss "A" would kill me if I quit. They would have to train someone else. Blah blah blah. I know all this but when does my debt end? Can it end? It has to end. I will make it end. I do not owe them my happiness. My life. My future.

"The best thing about the future is that it only comes one day at a time." -Abraham Lincoln