A face from the past

So last week my best friend from 1st grade to part way through 6th grade dropped by. It was extremely weird. I had already written her off as someone I would never see again. She decided a long time ago I was not important enough or cool enough or pretty enough or popular enough or not enough of something to be firends with so I did not try. Maybe it was the fact that I was going no where and she was definitely going somewhere. I will never know. Who wants to be the one that asks or gets asked, "Why didn't you like me?". There is no way to ask that question without sounding like a whiny little child. So I moved on. I waste not want not. Try at least. But she made it a point to try to find me. Whether she had been thinking about it for a while or it just popped into her head as she was driving by she stopped in. Turns out we have a mutual friend. Her across the street neighbor. Or who used to be her across the street neighbor when she was living in her father's house. I was still working and could not spend time standing there, (because that was what I was doing since she was talking to our mutual friend instead), so I excused myself, gave her my number and told her she had to call.  Because I really have no idea what has been happening in her life for the last 10+ years. Although I know one thing. Her father past away. Unexpectedly and sadly. She seems adjusted to it. But selfishly it made me sad that she did not try to contact me when it happened. I know I always bring it back to me. But aren't my personal musings that run around my head suppose to be about me? But the question I have... Why try to see me now after all these years of being not a part of each others lives or thoughts does she try to reconnect when she is moving to the other side of the country? And will she? Coincidentally enough my cousin and I had just been talking about my low number of friends and she suggested I do join Facebook and reconnect with people from my past. But again I say I refuse. Why do I refuse? I don't even have an aswer anymore for that except I just refuse. I do not want to be sucked in. To all of it. I spend my entire work day facing a computer screen, typing, talking, searching, pretending to be working and after I leave I prefer to shut it all down. Forget and live in the real world because the computer is a neverending see of nothing. I do this for me. Safest way to write my thoughts. And disappointments. And fears. And joys, (few and far between these days). And tears.

I never travel without my diary. One should always have something sensational to read in the train.

Oscar Wilde

The brigh spot in an otherwise dreary day

A friend got bad news today and it hit me pretty hard. Devastated me more like it. Devastated her and her family. But there was nothing to do. I don't know if it is good that I feel so much or crippling that I feel so much. But to the bright spot. Devil child and I went for a walk after work and these two adorable kids were out riding their bikes. As we came even to their driveway I realized they were yelling at me. They were playing on their bikes waiting for people to walk by with their dogs to offer them water along their journey. They had their lawn chairs set up in the driveway where they could rest after tiring of riding their bikes. They had written signs and were so excited to offer us wahter. Unfortunately Devil child is a bit shy and there was no way to get her to cross the street unless I dragged her across. I thanked them a few times and explained that she was a bit shy. It was sweet. It was kind. It was unexpected. It was unexpectedly encouraging. Time moves along and stops for no one or no thing. But bright spots come when least expected and most needed.