I admit it to a lot of people. But mostly to people I know and letting others know is a bit embarrassing. I am having a friendly conversation with the "Jeff" portion of Matt & Jeff's Car Wash and he asks what I purchased inside the store which I replied with, "Father's Day cards. Nothing like waiting till the last minute." He then goes on to ask if my father lives in the area because he went to the mountain play last weekend and enjoyed it. Thought that would be an enjoyable thing to do with my father for Father's Day. I reply with, "Yes he lives here. I still live at home." Why could I have not lied? Why do I feel the need to tell people the truth. Lies do not always hurt people. Sure I will see him again. I go there to get gasoline and get the car cleaned but does he really need to know that I am a stunted slowly maturing adult of 26 years? NO!
Point being it has finally really hit me. You can know something but not really know it until it hits you over the head and this "know" has finally been hit over my head. I am fastly rolling down the hill to "Unacceptableville". No more is it considered "Okay. She just needs a little more time here." It is getting embarrassing.
Last weekend the neighbor's came over for Friday night and after two bottles of champagne and three bottles of white wine Julie started giving me her unbiased opinion of my life. I admit I started the topic of conversation of moving out but I did not expect it to turn into 45 minutes, (I swear it was that long), of her telling my over and over I need to move out. Get some independence. Move out by myself or with someone. Friend or stranger. All my excuses are just excuses and I just need to do it. I need to set goals for myself in my head. Start small and enlarge them as they are met. She has done this through her life and she says it is amazing how many goals she has met. Really?, but that is another subject for different time.
Do people think I do not know these things? Do people think I enjoy it? Do people think I want to be my age and never have known real independence? Do people think I want to continue this way? I have reasons, (and yes reasons can sometimes ring as excuses), as to why I am still here. I accepted the responsibility of owning a dog when I accepted the gift of said dog. I do not take the responsibility lightly. I cannot just move us into a 300 sq ft apartment and expect her to be happy. I do not physically have the time or the mental capacity to walk her 20 times a day which is what it would take if we did not have a yard. And what apartment comes with a yard? So rent or buy a house, right? Easier said then done. Next problem. I have acquired a standard of living that does not meet my checkbook but exceeds my checkbook. So just to make myself feel better about my age and where I am in life I should move into a dump that meets my financial status. Which really in all honestly is all I can afford, (remember the dog and I need to eat. everyday.). Great. Moving day here we come. After the rent or mortgage is paid every month what am I suppose to use to pay for car payments, electricity, water, food, dog supplies and medical bills, TV, (because I cannot be without cable), phone, etc. etc. The list goes on and on. Do I want to be here for the rest of my life? Is this the city for me? The area? The state even? I don't know. How do you find out?
