The End

You know you have lost it when even you are bored reading back your blog entry. How sad is that? I never seem to have the time to write when I actually feel I have something worth saying. And when I do I have time to write I am blank. I can not recall the feelings to express the words enough that makes whatever I wanted to say worth saying. If I am truthful it comes down to not being interesting in life. Or interested in life. How do you write whether it is a birthday card message, a thank you note, a love letter or even a grocery list if you are not feeling something towards the words you are writing? Maybe repetition is the answer. I have heard that after doing something 21 times it becomes routine. Is that the answer? Maybe if I make it into a daily event and at the end of 12 months see if it pushed me anywhere into having some kind of answer for the meaning of my life. A friend told me recently that I have to move on. If I do not get another job soon after having this one for three years I will get stuck. And I do not want to get stuck. She also advised me to move out and live on my own. She only lived alone for six months before getting married and she still sees it as a great time in her life and made her feel independent and good. But what a waste to move just to move. If they are not kicking me out and I don't feel the desparate need to move why do it? There are times where I feel suffocated for staying but then I think life would be soo much harder if I was not here. And moving feels permanent like I am choosing to live here and stay forever. I envy people who can leave. But where would I go? Do I just place my finger on a map and wherever it lands I go? I am not exactly in a job where a move for my job would present itself. And I do mean job. This is not a career. I fell into it and can not see my way out. I have litttle enough respect left for my employer that I am not just going to quit and I have plenty of drive to make and save money that I would not just quit. So if I have lived 25+ years of my life without having to make something happen for myself how do I learn now?